Like donor, like son…

It’s no secret, my oldest son has a different father than my other two. And it is evident now that he is getting older. Even though he has been raised since virtually conception by said other “baby daddy”,  and has not seen his bio-half since he was 2 years old, he is noticeably different. By different, I mean just like HIM.

And that is NOT a bad thing. No really…it’s not.

But when he begins having image issues, there is nothing I , nor the man whom he calls “dad” can do to help him. Genetics has won, yet again, and he behaves just as much like his donor as he looks. My son, by nature, is sensitive. Easily distracted. Gullible, if you will. As was ( is) his donor. Now in his first year of middle school, in a completely new geographical setting, I’m seeing his other side come out full throttle. And I am TERRIFIED.

Yesterday he tells me there was an “incident” at school , did the counselor call me, but everything is fine now. *blink blink* He won’t tell me WHAT has happened, and as a mother wanting to protect her cub, I dig; I pry. I need to know all of the “w” questions so I can rectify this situation. Still nothing. I have since spoken with the administrator and she was wondering the same thing “What is going on??”

Which brings me to my thoughts….was his donor like this when he started a new school? Was he teased? Was he different? The world may never know as he and I don’t communicate at all. Not my choice; his. At first, I got it. We were young, things didn’t work out, other random events that I won’t get into, but I got it. But NOW that I know he is married with more children, it angers me that he has absolutely no desire to meet his first-born son. Whom, mind you, hasn’t done a damn thing to him besides leave his body and enter mine then exit mines 12 years ago.

I digress….

Is the absence and mystery of the man who donated half of his DNA to create this beautiful boy tormenting my son as he enters adolescence? Puberty, junior high, relocation…these are already issues that I can see being confusing to a 12-year-old, but to add insult to injury there is a man out there who KNOWS I exist and doesn’t care enough to pick up the phone and call me? If you’ve never had your child ask you why another motherfucker doesn’t love them and you have no answer for them, you don’t know PAIN. I’m trying to help raise a man who only knows half of himself. And I can only offer a fraction of information.

Here I am off the subject again.

Maybe that isn’t the issue he is dealing with. Maybe it is simply he is like his donor. Awkward. Shy. Gullible. Timid. Hell, he could really just be homesick. Since he won’t tell me though… 

I don’t know, but the similarities to the boy I created this child with are eerie and I sure wish I had a frame of reference to compare to. Or the option to phone a friend.