Tell the truth, shame the….

I spend a lot of time obsessed with my flaws. I’m not a good mother. Wife. Daughter. Sister. I’ll save some characters and say sometimes I am just NOT a good person. Not because I don’t want to be, but because it is HARD. I hate my job with the fiery passion of two star crossed lovers. I am too kind to people who do not wish me well. I’m overweight and obsessed with food. I mean, I could go on but let me not bore any one with my mental and emotional sparring.

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Let me try this again.

I try so hard to be a GOOD person, that the end result is my disappointment in myself. I’ve spent the almost 15 years as a parent trying to raise intelligent, humbled human beings and so far… well…they are human. I’ve tried to be a supporter of the people that I love and care about and it’s often to their detriment. And mine, because again, I am left with disappointment.

So I guess I am not a BAD person, just one who tries too hard. I have a hard time accepting the truth in many situations. So I’ve decided to use my first dalliance reuniting with personal blogging to tell myself the truth.

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BeBe’s kids

My kids will not be perfect. I think I know this one, I am just not accepting of the imperfections that they have. And honestly, I REALLY need to be.
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To be, or not to be….

I cannot be upset with my employment situation because I chose it. Instead of following my passion and doing something that I enjoyed, I  took the road often traveled and went with what provided a check. I can either have a sit down with myself and figure out what IS my passion now that I’ve lived a little more life or shut up and give praise on direct deposit days.

People are not always going to treat me how I treat them. And that is ok. No it’s not, but for the sake of my own sanity I will have to suck this one up. The thing I have to get over is that the joy I used to get from loving people has turned to distrust and ill feelings, so it’s not worth it. Love people who genuinely love you, Nackia. Your shoulders are not big enough to support people who aren’t willing to support you when you need it. I have got to stop driving myself crazy over other peoples problems to avoid dealing with my own.
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Screw telling the truth and shaming the devil, I’ve got to stop shaming myself.